In today’s letter, I am sharing some thoughts on the process of change and the obstacles that will most likely occur along the way.
Having read quite a few books on human psychology and behavior, with some self-help books sprinkled in there, I am aware that working on your habits takes time and consistency. There is rarely a shortcut you can take, and even if it seems like there is, the chances of falling back into old patterns are high.
During my coaching training, we discussed this process intensively. One thing really stood out to me. Continue reading to find out what it is all about. •ᴗ•
Becoming a systemic coach has been nothing short of incredible. It has allowed me to acquire the skills needed to support others through the art of asking the right questions. In systemic coaching, we cultivate a mindset focused on solutions. Rather than dwelling on the problem and its origins, we aim to anticipate and alter our approach to challenging situations that may arise in the future.
The power to prompt change and live the life they dream of lies within each person.
In my coaching sessions with clients, my primary goal is to empower individuals, highlighting their strengths and resources. It is crucial to acknowledge every step they take away from old habits and behaviors that no longer serve them. The power to prompt change and live the life they dream of lies within each person.
No matter how committed someone is to personal growth, setbacks are an inherent part of our human experience. It's in our nature. We can experience a successful streak for an extended period, yet a minor misstep can leave newly cultivated habits in crumbles. In response to such setbacks, many individuals tend to resort to self-deprecation and negative self-talk. Thoughts like, "If only I had tried harder, this wouldn't have happened," often take up their minds. But is this perspective accurate?
An invaluable lesson I encountered early on in my coaching journey is the concept of the "Lap of Honor" (or "Ehrenrunde" in German).
The Lap of Honor characterizes the process of falling back into old habits and behaviors. Rather than labeling it as a "relapse," which carries a negative connotation, we refer to it as a "lap of honor." The word "honor" itself sounds less bad, doesn't it?
This deliberate choice of terminology underlines the value in the growth journey. It is entirely reasonable that change cannot manifest abruptly. If you've been following a specific path for an extended period, it is only natural that making a complete course correction will encounter obstacles. The beliefs or self-imposed rules you held onto served a purpose. Freeing yourself from them demands time, effort, and patience. Therefore, acknowledging a setback, relapse, or lap of honor should not elicit shame.
In my coaching process, I emphasize the likelihood of falling back into old patterns. I want my clients to understand that this is a common occurrence, affecting even the best of us, and it is an integral part of personal growth. By validating this natural process, I hope to ease some of the burden they may feel while also acknowledging their hard work.
Isn't the Lap of Honor a fitting representation of life? Navigating your life, enduring hardships, celebrating achievements, and staying resolute even when the path becomes rough are all part of the perpetual cycle. It’s crucial to grant yourself time to breathe and make another attempt after stumbling.
Don't let a misstep overshadow the right steps you've already taken. Even small, very small steps take you further.
If you're interested in learning more about coaching or starting your own coaching journey yourself, feel free to reach out to me for an initial, complimentary consultation. Together, we'll determine whether the format of systemic coaching aligns with your concerns and goals.
Let me know your thoughts on today’s newsletter. I am curious to hear your feedback. So far I’ve been writing about the things that take up a space in my head or that have been part of conversations with friends. If there are specific topics you’d like to hear my thoughts on, reach out!
Come and say hi - www.martinamay.co.
Thanks for reading,
xx MM