Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, What’s My Coaching Role to Call?
How Coaches Adapt to Support, Reflect, and Empower Their Clients
As a systemic coach, I often find myself explaining the work I do and the role I play with my clients. Some people expect me to act as a consultant, offering clear guidance or action plans. Others assume I’m more like a psychologist, delving into the roots of emotions and behaviors.
But what do I actually do as a coach?
The answer is nuanced.
I might be a listener, a facilitator, a confidant, a guide, an instigator, a dialogue partner, or a mirror. My role shifts depending on what’s needed to create a deep, meaningful conversation with the person sitting across from me. It’s not always easy, but it’s incredibly powerful.
There are moments when it’s clear the other person simply needs to talk—to let it all out. In these instances, a few well-placed questions are all it takes to make them feel heard and experience relief.
At other times, I need to take a more active role in the conversation, especially when thoughts struggle to take shape. I ask many questions, starting gently before moving deeper. As a coach, I aim to speak less than my clients, guiding them through their thoughts and offering support when necessary. Ultimately, though, it’s up to them to find their words—it’s not my place to put words in their mouths.
Some of my favorite moments as a coach are what I call "mirror moments." In these, I reflect my clients’ words, sentences, or even behaviors back to them. While it might sound like mockery, it’s quite the opposite. By acting as their mirror, I help them experience firsthand the impact of their words or actions.
Too often, we speak without fully grasping the messages we’re communicating. We’re so accustomed to filling silence with words that they don’t always carry the intent we hope for.
In nearly every coaching session, there’s a moment when a client stumbles after hearing their words reflected back to them. Common responses include, “I didn’t mean it like that,” “Did I really say it that way?” or “Hearing you say it makes me realize how harsh it sounds.” These realizations offer an opportunity for reflection: Why did they choose those words? What were they truly trying to convey?
These mirror moments stick with my clients because they show them something unexpected about themselves.
Being part of my clients’ journeys is as diverse as the roles I take on. Listening to them, asking questions, and guiding them through change is not only transformative but also the most rewarding work I’ve ever done.
Having experienced coaching as a client myself, I understand how valuable it is to feel supported by someone who can adapt to my individual needs. The diversity of their skills and their ability to meet me wherever I was—emotionally or mentally—was reassuring. Regardless of how I walked into their office, they were ready to welcome me, listen, and guide me.
I strive to offer my clients the same sense of reassurance and support.
Have you ever worked with a (systemic) coach? How would you describe the roles they played in your journey?
Thank you for reading. ♡
If you want to say hi or share your thoughts, feel free to send me an email, comment below or visit my website. I’d love to hear from you!
I love this! I’m a coach too - a philosophy coach. I experienced the same when it comes people having hard times understanding what I do. Am I mentor or consultant telling people what to do? I’m no where near that but still have hard times explaining what I do. But you explained it very well! Thanks for sharing your why and how very clearly in a few words ♥️