Faking It Won’t Work: Why Empathy Is the Key to Success
Workday Stories No. 1 - Lessons in Leadership
I still remember vividly a leadership training that I was holding. I was educating leaders on how to build successful and happy teams and felt that it was going more than well. People were engaged, added lots of comments and fostered an interesting dialogue.
One of the leaders raised his virtual hand. I swallowed hard. He was the tough one in the group, opinionated and very sure of himself.
“I don’t care about my employees’ lives. I don’t care about how they are doing.”
I let this sink in, my mind already racing how to respond without sounding judgmental or condescending.
“But I will try to fake it going forward.”
This really made me think. Isn’t empathy an integral part of leading and guiding people? Especially when you’re in a leadership position?
“No”, I realized.
empathy
/ˈɛmpəθi/
noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
"he has a total lack of empathy for anybody"1
While I listened to this man explaining his hardship in having to listen to his team members “complaints”, I slowly overcame my surprise. It really was impressive that he felt safe enough to say these controversial words out loud, brave even in a group of other leaders who might have a very different opinion.
What impressed me even more was him expressing the wish to act differently.
There are a lot of leaders out there caring solely about the output at work, turning a blind eye on unnecessary things like emotions or employees well-being. As long as performance is strong no need to intervene or ask further questions. It’s more efficient like that.
“Empathy is being concerned about the human being, not just their output.”
— Simon Sinek, Author and Motivational Speaker
Things are constantly changing though, not only in the world but also the workplace. Employees’ needs change. As a consequence thereof the way we lead needs to adapt as well. If we don’t go with the time, we’ll go with time.
Empathy is not a nice-to-have. It is expected. Crucial.
Why is empathy at the workplace important?
It builds trust and understanding between manager and employee
It increase employees’ sense of belonging and connection
It directly impacts motivation
It can reduce workplace burnout
It improves overall performance and innovation - of individuals, but also the overall company
Empathy → Trust → Motivation → Innovation & Performance
98% of people have the ability to empathize with others. Still, using this skill in the workplace doesn’t come natural to the majority of people. It is one thing to feel with another person, it is a completely different thing to actually act upon it. Fluffy words don’t lead to trust and happiness, actions do. Sometimes words alone are not enough.
“In order for businesses to successfully transform, they must put humans at the center with empathetic leadership to create transparency and provide employees with psychological safety. Empathy is a powerful force that must be embedded organically into every aspect of an organization, otherwise the inconsistency has a dramatic impact on the overall culture and authenticity of an organization.”
— Kim Billeter, Americas People Advisory Services Leader, EY
How can you not only foster empathy day to day but also use it as a tool to improve and change relationships and the environment?
“If you're asking how to create a more empathetic workplace, you're already way ahead of everybody else.”
— Daniel Lubetzky, Founder KIND
Like the leader in my example, the first step is to acknowledge the importance of empathy. This is the beginning to redefine and practice empathy, eventually enriching your employees and teams experiences in profound ways.
How can you build empathy? How can you act upon it?
Focus on the person. You have to show genuine interest in the person. What are their individual needs? What challenges do they have? What’s their potential?
Show Impartiality. Let go of your biases and approach each person and conversation as a new beginning. Don’t hold onto grudges and acknowledge people change, adapt and improve.
Accept differences. Work on your ability to believe that another person’s opinion or experience can coexist with your own, even if different.
Seek input. Ask them about their opinions and feedback on policies and day-to-day tasks and experiences. Encourage them to share both positive and negative points without consequences.
Listen Actively. Listen to the person and gather information. Showing compassion is important, but don’t just demonstrate concern.
Take action. Let your words follow actions. Take action on behalf of your employees and through that show that you are actually listening and caring bout the things they trusted you with.
“Empathy is a muscle, so it needs to be exercised.”
— Satya Nadella, CEO, Microsoft
Building empathy is like building a muscle, if you keep at it, it will grow over time. If used correctly, empathy can be a key advantage not only of a leader but also an organization.
The leader of my story left the training with mixed feelings. He believed that the younger generations are just not as tough as his generation (but that’s a conversation for another day). I do believe that the other participates and me planted a small seed in his brain. You can’t expect someone to change his beliefs in a matter of hours. Allowing him to speak up, participate in the discussion and sharing different perspectives with him are all part of the learning process. Do I think that he is a leader practicing empathy on a daily? No. But I do believe that he is aware of the importance in the workplace, even though it doesn’t seem to be an important factor for him.
I hope you can take something with you from this empathy manifesto.
I'm a natural empath, which has its own challenges. Yet I know it's quite difficult for some to be empathetic--to do so requires making ourselves vulnerable.